Working against my wiring

Today is September 18th, Tuesday- 4 days away from my hubby's departure to Liberia. I'm working against my wiring today- working against my type A personality. It seems to me, because of the way I'm wired, I'm spinning myself in circles. I'm over-thinking things that haven't even happened yet, I've torn just about every room apart in my frantic attempt to clean, every bedroom closet has been re-organized (except my own), all 7 sets of embroidered towels have been rewashed and hung to dry, floors have been scrubbed, garages cleaned & re-organized, etc. I'm running on vapors but my mind is still going strong. I'm wondering if staying busy will help me or just make me more tired. I'm excited, anxious, scared and just plain-old worried.

I know that I'm not helping myself, I know I need to calm down and rest- but how does one 'work against their wiring?' It's like going against the grain- twice as hard as going with the grain. Am I shooting myself in the foot? Burning the candle at both ends? Probably. Can I change my behavior? Probably. Am I struggling? YES!!

But, this journey wouldn't be a journey without struggling. This has been a long road and it seems we're in the last few miles of the marathon. Here's an excerpt of an email I sent to a friend this morning:
"I'm trying so hard to be strong but my energy is very low to continue to fight all of this pressure. I will hang on though, it's really a mother's promise to her children...to be united with my husband to do what needs to be done to get them all home & safe. I will take all the 'abuse' if it means their suffering is lessened."

God tells us not to worry. He says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." *Read Matthew 6: 25-34

I will be trying my best to apply that during the next few days & weeks! I'm going to try and 'marry' type A personality to type B personality. I'm going to give it my best shot- to compromise with myself!

Filling the gap

So what has happened from the time of 'going invisible' until now? Around the time of the August 18th post, I was in the middle of a 40 day no-meat fast. Things with the adoptions seemed to just be going nowhere so I made a sacrifice- a BIG sacrifice. I just prayed to God that He would acknowledge my commitment and have mercy on our Liberian children. I prayed like I have never prayed before in my life- I handed everything over to God, everything I could think of. If I gave it once, I gave it 10 times. I know, once would have been sufficient- did I mention I'm a bit compulsive? I wonder if God laughs at me...He made me this way! He made me with this personality and with this gift mix...did He know I'd be so quirky?

Anyway, the woman I refer to as 'Mother Africa' agreed to take care of our oldest son. In the process of doing so, we set it up for him to attend school & for him to attend church with her. Through our conversations, she offered to go the 'leg work' concerning the adoptions and we discussed the 'avenue' best suited in which to proceed. I prayed, "God, is this it? Is this the way you want us to go? We'll go, God- just lead the way." And away He led. He is still leading, even today. I wonder and sometimes agonize at the final details. My mind knows everything will come out in the end & all the details will fall into place. My heart struggles every day, sometimes by the hour or minute. I'm constantly handing over my worries and my anxiety to God. This is WAY to big for me to handle on my own! I think God may have planned it this way- my walk and my faith has grown leaps and bounds in this last year and a half!

I'm remembering and reminding myself that this is only the beginning. I've been comparing this journey to the planning of a wedding. A lot of our time and effort has been in this planning/waiting stage. Unfortunately, sometimes after the wedding the bride and groom are left standing and looking at each other- asking, "Now what?"

This part of the journey is almost over, then we begin with the 'good stuff.' The important stuff God is calling us to do, parent these children. Teach them, guide them, and LOVE them. The moment after we are introduced, hug & love on each other- real life begins. As we walk out of the airport, hand in hand, we will be The Gustafson family- all 9 of us! A new journey begins.

Sunshine & Rain

Today is September 14, 2007- my hubby leaves in 8 short days for Liberia. Today, I washed sheets & comforters and then made the 4 'big kid' beds, vacuumed corners in the upstairs bedrooms, cleaned & organized the attic & packed the children's suitcase. The children's suitcase holds a backpack for each child w/activities for the plane ride home (as well as a sweatshirt w/an American flag), and 3 sets of clothes for each child. Our friend who is taking care of the children (I'll refer to her as 'Mother Africa') tells me that our oldest son only has a few articles of clothing and the girls just have the clothes they're wearing. So, I've lovingly folded and packed 3 outfits per child, pj's, socks & shoes, under-clothes and toiletries.

I've smelled each article of clothing as I've folded it, labeled each tag with their initials and have handwritten a note to my children to read as they open the suitcase. I've prayed over each child's clothing as well as the suitcase. This is one of the moments I've been waiting for as a mother- for the last year and a half! God is moving... the time is near.

Also included in the children's suitcase is a gift for 'Mother Africa' - a new bible in a leather carrying case. This woman has gone above and beyond a favor. She has become ruthless in this quest- this journey ordained by God. I find myself thanking her during every phone call- she corrects me every time and says, "We thank God." She's right. We thank God- we praise God! God is truly making a way where there was no way... He is arriving right on time... just where He intends to be. What glory He deserves!

Two days ago, ds #1 (dear son #1) called. I called him back so he wouldn't use his minutes...but, I couldn't hear his voice. Instead, I heard rain. I heard the sound of the rain hitting the ground and the drops falling from the roof of the house. After I realized my 'ds' couldn't hear me, I sat for a moment before I hung up the phone to redial. I sat and listened to the African rain. That sound alone was a precious gift to me. Half way around the world, sits 4 children waiting on God to bring them new parents. The prayer they've agonized over for 10 years- the promise they've held on to & have trusted God to follow through with- is just around the corner. The fulfillment is near...

I redialed the phone and spoke with my 'ds #1'. He didn't have any idea that I could hear the rain in the previous phone call & not his voice- he just thought the call didn't go through. I finished my conversation with him & spoke with the other children. Told them I loved them & that daddy would be there very soon. After I hung up the phone, I thanked God for these precious children- these precious gifts- and I thanked Him for the rain.

Today as I drove through town, I glanced up at the sky and as the sun set- I noticed it was behind a cloud with its rays shining through the cloud. Truly a Godly moment for me. What a beautiful sight- I love seeing that. We go through the majority of our days not thinking about the sun, or even seeing its rays for that matter. What beauty we find in a rainbow- the combination of water & sun. As I saw the long, beautiful rays I thought about the pictures I used to draw as a child- pictures of the sun and big, long beautiful rays. Tonight, I thanked God for the beauty all around us and I thanked him for the sun. The sun that gives us light & warmth. The sun that comes up every morning without fail, the sun that peeks in my curtains to welcome me to another day & the sun that helps to grow the food we eat every day.

Thank you, God, for the rain and for the sun.

Psalm 37 & 'friend'

If you know me, you know that I tend to worry. I think about things that are so minimal to the 'average Joe.' I'm very precise and think a lot about details.

This journey has about made smoke come out of my ears- the wheels are always turning... I've prayed and prayed, especially about 'ds #2' as his paperwork isn't complete yet. The things I think about are crazy, what if...what if...what if... We've purchased everyone's plane tickets in complete blind faith- we're moving ahead without complete 'earthly' confirmation. A move that even I think is crazy! But, we're holding tight onto the promise God made and we're 'preparing the field' for God to bring forth the harvest. We trust God and we're stepping WAY out- now if I could keep my mind from wandering.

God brought me these two things during the week of September 2-8, 2007. Maybe I should take the hint and chill out! :)

Psalm 37:3-7
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this; He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him"

WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS
What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care? Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.

I hear you, God- thanks for the reminder!

Going invisible

To all our faithful blog readers,
There is a lot going on right now with the adoptions and the process involved- so in order to protect our family and all our children Travis and I have decided to shut down this blog. We WILL be back when we feel it is safe to talk openly. Please continue to pray for our family- we thank you for all your comments & heartfelt emails.

We would like to leave you with this blessing:
Our Creator says this about you: You are blessed, you are anointed, you are equipped, you are valuable, you are talented, you were created, you have the favor of God, whatever you touch will prosper and succeed, you are strong in the Lord, and you are able to do what God has called you to do.
May you go out, be blessed & be a blessing to others.
Many blessings to each of you.

Today's mail

Encouragement has just been pouring in- this card came in today's mail:

IF WE LOVE GOD, ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD
Bumps in the road of life- I've had more than my share, BUT I'VE LEARNED TO PRAISE GOD, Though some bumps seem unfair.

Roadblocks, detours, brick walls- I've hit a few- looking back, BUT I'VE LEARNED TO THANK GOD- They've helped me grow, in fact.

I know why God permits, such heartbreaking things- SO I COULD GROW IN CHRIST- So God could give me wings.

Now when I hit brick walls- roadblocks, detours and more- PRAISE GOD FOR WINGS OF FAITH- Some days I rise and soar.

We've faced some of the same bumps in the road. You seem to handle roadblocks, detours and brick walls better than most of us. During these tough times I often think of you and when I do I call your name in prayer.

Here's My Life & Never Alone- Barlowgirl

Here's My Life

Once again I said my goodbyes
To those I love most
My heart feels that familiar pain
As I long for hope
Cause this road is hard
When I feel so far

Chorus:
And God I'm crying out tonight
Cause I've giving you my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more here's my life


On the day that you called my name
All that I knew changed
I found when I said yes
That I would never be the same
Though the call is hard
You are worth it all

Chorus:
And God I'm crying out tonight
Cause I've given you my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more....

Even when the tears are falling
When I find I fear the calling you
remind me,
words you've spoken over my life
promises I've yet to see
you comfort me.


Never Alone

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Testing, Testing, 1...2...3...

During this journey our faith, patience, endurance, understanding, emotions, determination & tolerance has been tested. We continue to 'evaluate' these areas as we walk along in this journey. I spent over 3 hours making phone calls this morning, trying my best to aid in making arrangements/plans~ all the while praying for discernment. We are doing the best we can in this so-called chaos...only God knows the purpose for this. Last week was emotionally draining for me, today I have renewed strength. God spoke up loud and clear to me yesterday and assured me that He finishes what He starts... THANK YOU GOD!

There's too much to explain, too much to be said- we're too scared to even move a muscle. This is really where faith comes in. The faith to move forward, the faith to carry on, the faith to trust in Him another day. We put our lives in your hands, dear Father, and trust in you.
Amen, Amen, Amen


*This part was added at 5:45pm...
I think the puzzle pieces just may be beginning to move...PRAISE GOD!

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

This morning, a few arrangements are being made for our eldest son. We praise God for the 'divine connections' He has made here in the U.S. so that at this moment, we are able to assist our son through the generosity of others. We continue to lift our eyes to the Lord and count on Him to bring us all through this journey. Thank you again to all of you who offer your support & prayers.

Faith

Noun. Confidence, Belief, Christian religion.
1: unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence
2: unquestioning belief in God
3: a religion or a system of religious beliefs
4: full of faith, esp. religious faith- the faithful- true believers, the loyal adherents or supporters

Today we received good news and bad news. Oh, how I wish I could share the details with all of you... please pray that the Lord directs our steps as we pick up the pieces and move forward once again. Please pray that the goal of getting the kids home isn't too far in sight and that our heavenly Father continues to comfort the Liberian children (and us!) while we endure this wait.

Thank you for all the emails, posts & especially the prayers. We are grateful for all of you!

Invisibly shaken

Not earth shattering- but definitely troublesome news. We continue to trust in the Lord's leading...

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4: 12-13

God speaks?

Do any of you think that God speaks just at that moment when you don't expect Him to? Do you think He shows Himself in the little things- maybe just to see if He'll get your attention?

If you haven't noticed by now, I love to explain things in 'story' form. Maybe this comes from my grandpa, who used to tell everything in a story. Sometimes a very long story... Anyway, this is what happened tonight.

I've encountered quite a few people today, who when I tell about where we are with the adoptions, they say, "You know, God has a perfect time." I agree and have told each one of these people today that I realize there is a perfect plan and that we're praying and trying to be patient. Looking back at today, I think I had 4 or 5 encounters with this same phrase.

Here's a confession thrown into this 'story': I always walk through the office, jiggle the mouse & check for new emails. I don't know why- maybe I feel like the computer is my link to the outside world. I'm not expecting anything important so I really don't know what I'm looking for. Hubby laughs at me and gives me a hard time because I will route myself through the office just to do 'the jiggle.'

Tonight, on one of my passes past the computer- the screen saver was on the monitor. I've had this same screen saver for about a year- it has beautiful landscape pictures with scriptures/Christian sayings. Just as I was about to do 'the jiggle,' I saw a phrase that I have never before seen on my screen saver- in the entire year I've had it on my computer! This is what it said:

"NEVER THINK THAT GOD'S DELAYS ARE GOD'S DENIALS."

Hmmmmm, a sign? Maybe. If so, thanks God- I'll remember that. You have a perfect time and you're not denying your promise to us. We're just being delayed a bit until everything falls into place....

That's my story for the night- sleep tight!

Tiny tidbit

I just wanted to post quickly this morning with a few things...
I just got off the phone with Dear Son #1 again & he told me a 'tiny tidbit' of reassuring information regarding himself. Unfortunately, I can't disclose it here but this 'tiny tidbit' really helps Hubby and I breathe easier as we all wait for the adoptions to come to a close. Any positive 'tidbit' at this point, is like a breath of fresh air...

As I called Hubby to tell him about DS#1- we were remembering our home study agency & their response to us when we asked to adopt 3 children- and then went back and asked to also adopt our eldest son. We love these people & have a great 'working' relationship with them. Hubby and I were laughing about how they must talk about us, possibly laugh and shake their heads at "those crazy people from ****, Arkansas." I say all this in light-hearted fun... after all, they are the ones that saw potential in us and gave us the go ahead. Anyway, as I was laughing with Hubby about the home study folks- I was reminded that God is in this & has been from the very beginning.

I can only imagine that it seemed absurd to the home study agency- our request to them. It could have only been God- and the prompting of the Holy Spirit- for such a request to not only be heard, but accepted. So, in the midst of all that's going on I don't want to forget that God is in this race- moment by moment.

Thank you, Father for having the patience with us as we try to control what it is you're trying to do. Please give us the wisdom to step back & continue to trust in you.

2 down...

Ok... please pray with us! We now have 2 Liberian children who are 'sick.' I really don't know details or how sick- 'sick' really is. What does sickness mean there & in that environment? Anyway, the second child now requires medical attention (she must leave the orphanage and go to a hospital)- so 'sick' must mean-- SICK!

My sense of urgency is working overtime and I feel like a mama tiger on a short chain. However short the chain, it sure is stretched tight! SHEESH!

From a mama's point of view, I would really feel much more comfortable with all the children here where they can be evaluated and I can watch them and care for them. I'm afraid I'm in the middle of learning a valuable lesson in trusting God with my ENTIRE being. Wait & pray are the words of the day...

Here are the lyrics to another song that's speaking to me today:
IF YOU WERE MINE- FERNANDO ORTEGA
When my heart is troubled and I am weighed down,
Then I like to think of how this lonesome world would be
If I could see your face, or hold you in my arms
If you were mine, if you were mine.

If you had a bad dream I would jump inside it,
And I would fight for you with all the strength that I could find.
I would lead you home by your tiny hand
If you were mine, if you were mine.

I would sing of love on the blackest night.
I would sing of God, and how His goodness fills our lives.
I would sing to you, til the morning light
If you were mine, if you were mine.

Much better....

I forgot I had these scroll-candle things...I'm sure there's a much more pretty name for them but my vocabulary escapes me at the moment. **SCONCES** Someone commented on the story of the wall hanging but I'm afraid I don't have much of a story. I'm sure this is a print from some great painting somewhere- but it actually just caught my eye when we were out buying fabric. Dear daughter #3 wanted an African lappa (wrap skirt) for her birthday and wanted her friends and cousin to have matching lappas (for when we went on vacation). I spent the week before we left sewing and packing so I could bring 6 lappas along. Anyway, when we were looking at fabrics I saw this quilt block and thought it would be pretty hanging on our wall. So, here it is...

I also wanted to share the lyrics to a song that are really speaking to me today. I've had it for a long time on my itunes & listen to it every now & again. Have a great day!

I AM YOURS
Father here I am in this place again
I know that You're no stranger to pain
To loneliness

Father here I come, lay my burdens down
Knowing that You'll take me as I am
So I come with freedom as Your child
And I run to Your arms

My heart is aching for my Father
My eyes they long to see my God
This world has nothing I desire
You are what I'm looking for
Hide me underneath Your shelter
Cover me and I will say
I am Yours, surely I am Yours

Have you lost your song?

I've had many people ask me how we can be so happy all of the time? How can we be so filled with faith during so many trials and how can we keep such a positive attitude towards life when we're thrown curve-balls. I just want to talk a little about that today.

God has put a well of joy inside of each of us. If we can just learn to tap into that joy, we can be happy in spite of what comes against us. Ephesians 5: 18 says to continually be filled with the Spirit. Continually doesn't mean that we should be filled just once, but always. How do we do this? Verses 19 and 20 tell us, "Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."

The way to stay full is by keeping a song of praise in our heart. This could take on many forms: having a grateful attitude, humming, whistling, singing (out loud or even in the shower!). Under your breath are you giving praise to God? How many times are you thanking the Father in a given day? When you continually give praise to God, He is replenishing your joy, your strength and your peace. He is filling you back up.

God has put a song in everyone of our hearts- it would do us all good to start the day making a melody in our hearts...singing a song of praise. Make a point to get your song back, don't sit and dwell on the negative. If you stop dwelling on the negative things that come against you and thank God for His goodness, you can start to see all the things that are right in your life. Meditate on His promises.

You'll enjoy life more and see things change, in your favor. The Lord wants to bless you! Don't let anything take your song, make a melody unto the Lord and keep a song of praise in your heart. It's a decision you must make, develop a habit of:
#1~ Smile on purpose! Smile by faith or 'fake it until you make it.' Smile and then the joy will come. Smiling sends a message to your body that everything is ok...Your smile is a million dollar asset. God is concerned about your countenance, it is mentioned 53 times in the scriptures. When you smile, it's a good witness to others. Be pleasant to be around.

GET YOUR SONG BACK!

Don't allow your problems, circumstances or other people to steal your joy. Make others want what you have- bless the Lord at all times. While on our vacation, I got news that Dear Son #1 had been diagnosed with Malaria. My immediate reaction was to become overwhelmed and weap in desperation. Instead, I went upstairs and started to sing. I sang over and over again, "I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed." I had the baby strapped to me in the baby carrier and before long, she was moving and 'singing' with me. It wasn't long before the spirit of fear, frustration & desperation was completely gone. I had given it over to the Lord and will continue to pray for our son that the meds do their job and he will get better soon.

God wants us to have victory! Romans 8: 37 says, "In all things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." In the middle of adversity, we can enjoy our lives! Bless God in the good times and the bad.

Develop a habit of:
#2~ Check your posture. You are a child of the Most High God, hold your head high & put your shoulders back. Not in arrogance, but in quiet confidence. We are not supposed to go around feeling weak or defeated. The scriptures say we are Ambassadors of Christ. You represent Almighty God, you are to be communicating strength, determination and confidence. Subconsciously, are you proud of who you are? You were made in the image of God and you are the apple of His eye!

So much of communication is non-verbal. Learn to walk tall, we represent the Most High God. Scripture also says our joy should overflow... inspire others! When you're around other people, are you always taking and not giving to the relationship? Have you lost your song? You may have to develop new habits and make a melody in your own heart. Fill yourself up, don't dwell on your problems~ shake it off, dig your heels in and praise God. Know He is still in control. Hebrews 13: 15 says, "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that confess his name."

You can chose what kind of song you are going to have. Talk to yourselves the right way and declare today is going to be a good day! Thank you Lord for your strength, thank you Lord for my health!

GET YOUR SONG BACK!

Vacuuming, doing dishes, driving in traffic, changing a diaper, or mowing the lawn can prove perfect opportunities to offer a prayer of thanks to the Lord. Every time we do that, He is filing us with His joy, His peace, His strength, His victory & His favor. We are being filled. Get your song back if you're missing it & keep that in your heart throughout the day.

Praise the Lord!

Wall hanging

I finally finished the wall hanging, nothing fancy~ just simple & beautiful (in my mind!).

I'm still trying to decide what to do on either side, there's enough room to fit something.... but for my over-analytic mind, it has to be just perfect. I'm trying to keep in mind that I will want to add pics of Liberia (from hubby's trip) after he returns home and new pics of our ENTIRE family. I love doing stuff like this, which makes me so happy I finally painted the living room! It's been like Christmas dragging all of our 'old' decorations out. Fun, fun...

Have a good weekend!

Self-help & SUCCESS!

For those of you who have been waiting patiently- the toy room is done! 5 hours of work, 2 days and 2 headaches later- I'm completely satisfied with the room. Here are the results:

While going through every toy in this room, I was thinking about how & why we allow our lives to be cluttered. I could have doing so many other things in the 5 hours it took me to overhaul this room! That being said, I ran across this info on decluttering and 'the basics of tossing.' Would you all believe that I used to be a pack-rat? I used to keep EVERYTHING and every piece of paper that might be linked to a memory. I am a pack-rat in recovery, 10 years sober! :) Today I am grateful that my headache is gone and one room in our house is in order!

Have a great week!

The Basics of Tossing:

At times, all of us spend money on items that we don't end up using. Most of us spend a lot of money on these things. For some of us, it is exercise equipment; for others it might be clothes, toys, kitchen gadgets or tools. We keep them because we would feel guilty if we got rid of them. "I mean, Do you know how much that is worth?" or "What if I get rid of it only to discover that I need it?"

Why are you punishing yourself by keeping something that is cluttering your life? Stress is one of the biggest problems that Americans face today and disorganization and clutter are among the biggest causes of stress. If you bought something you don't use, face it. You made a mistake. Don't make an even bigger one by keeping it. Get rid of it and move on. Donate it to someone who can use it and relieve you and your family of the stress of living with it. Learn from your mistakes and try to evaluate better whether you actually need something before you spend money.

If you are saying, "...but that might be worth something", why don't you find out. If you are afraid to lose out on a financial windfall, sell it on Ebay or put it out for a garage sale. If you make big bucks, put it in the bank! If that item doesn't get $5.00 on Ebay, you probably overestimated its value. Toss it!

But what if you get rid of it and later find out that you do need it? Most of us save all sorts of things that we might use one day. Very few of us will ever use more than one thing in twenty that we keep "just in case".

Think about this: If you sell the things that will put money in the bank, give the useful things you don't need to other people or a thrift store and toss the rest, you can't really lose. When you find out later that you needed that extra toolbox, take the money you made selling all the other stuff you never ended up needing and buy it! Almost everyone will be way ahead financially doing this because we will never need most of it. Not only that, but doing this will also eliminate the stress and expense of storing and moving it.

Oh and if it's trash but you feel guilty about separating yourself emotionally from it, just put it in the trash. Don't make the thrift store do it. Say a prayer over it if it makes you feel better and let it go.

I'VE HAD IT!

Ok- don't get scared...just put on your 'funny cap!'
I promise this really is adoption related, I'll explain below. I'm about to share something very personal, it's not often I admit something of this magnitude...if you know me and my many quirks- you know that I am: borderline obsessive/compulsive (maybe I'm really over the 'line'), very organized (I actually dream about how to organize things better & make them more functional), and I have great attention to detail. Well, if all this is true- how did our play room get to look like this?


What you can't see here is the two stains on the carpet from chocolate milk & a couple of old sippy cups that were stuck under the recliner. Ok, so I know you are laughing now- I would be. I'm thinking of all my friends, and even my sister, who have commented on this very problem. Kid toys & stuff. Come on ya'll (there's my southern slang!), there's got to be a better way. Why are we letting ourselves be so stressed out by all this stuff?

I've been threatening for years that we would buy one of those old dressers at a yard sale (the kind with 6 big drawers) & let each child have 1 or 2 drawers for ALL their 'stuff.' I've been overwhelmed with toys since our first child was born. Everything seems to be in excess- and the kids don't even play with anything! I know I'm not preaching to the choir here...I hear this kind of problem all the time from moms.

So this is what I've done- I've torn every toy out of every corner and made a HUGE pile in the middle of the floor. I went to Walmart tonight and purchased 9 matching rubbermaid bins. The lovely built in bookshelves we have in the toy room will house all 9 bins and all of our children's books. There will be 7 bins (one for every day of the week) that will hold toys, activities, dress up clothes, etc. for DD#3 & DS #3. They (besides the baby) will be the youngest children and are still young enough to play with toys. Each bin will hold things for DD#3 & DS#3, divided equally. On the corresponding day (ex. Monday), they will only be allowed to open that particular bin and play with it's contents for the ENTIRE day. Technically, by the end of the day only the toys that fit in the bin will need to be picked up. Seems like a good idea doesn't it? The other two bins will be for #1: Baby toys (that DD#4 will have access to every day- but they all have to fit in the ONE bin) & #2: Angelina Ballerina and accessories. Angelina will be accessible to DD#3 every day because DS#3 has his trucks, dumptrucks, etc. available in his bedroom closet.

I am about to head upstairs and sneak into the toy room to do the night-time purging and sorting into the bins. I'll attach pictures of the room when I'm done.

How this relates to the adoptions:
I have been preparing the house for our 4 Liberian children for over a year now. It has come in many stages: painting, rearranging rooms, purchasing furniture, fixing and refinishing donated furniture, planning out the best way to function with 9 people in this house (laundry, eating, school, bathrooms/showers, etc.) I am still tweaking and am not done yet. I've been in this 'nesting phase' for a LONG time now. Just when I think I'm doing ok, I think of another thing to go through and organize. I still have a long way to go, but you have to understand that if I had it my way- every cabinet would be labeled in this entire house! Really, I'm serious!

Among all of this, I'm still trying to repaint the interior of our entire house and decorate (a process that we started 2 years ago when we moved in). Every surface in this house needed attention- ceilings, trim, walls, carpet, etc. With being pregnant when we moved here (and now) having 3 children among all my other responsibilities- it's really been baby steps. But...we are preparing and getting ready for the Liberian children.

Have you ever thought about how you might go about preparing to add 4 children to your life/home? Think about what you need for 1 baby. Think of all the things one receives at a baby shower to 'ready' themselves for the coming of a child. How may areas in one's life need to be thought about when adding 4 children who have interests, desires, personalities, likes/dislikes & teenage (or preteen) emotions/hormones!

Yea, it could get overwhelming- especially for the obsessive/compulsive mind... On that note, wish me luck as I sneak upstairs to the toy room. More pictures to come!

A Mother's Legacy

As I was reading in Psalms this morning, I came across this devotional- can any of you relate?

"Often people have asked me what has been my greatest fear as a mother. My answer is too private to share with anyone except God. Yet with all the vigor of my heart, I want to proclaim to the world that God does carry a mother through such a firestorm of agony. He proves himself to be what he promised- a shield, a refuge, a comforter, a restorer of the soul. He defangs the monster of fear.
Moses stands as a monument to his mother's courage against staggering opposition. Jochebed's dilemma seemed impossible, but with God's help, she solved it. Her example encourages me as I keep coming back to the Lord, morning after morning. And he is there, available to me and to any mother who seeks him. He performs what he promises, and that assurance overcomes my fears. Perhaps his words to Joshua best summarize what I've learned over the years: 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go' (Joshua 1:9).
*To read about the birth of Moses, look at Exodus 2: 1-10

"He replied, 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, 'What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!'" Matthew 8: 26-7

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1: 7

Conveniences

I've been thinking a lot about the conveniences that we have- that our Liberian children don't have. I'm wondering what will be amazing to them- and what will be overwhelming...

Here's the things I have accomplished so far today (by 11am) with running water:
~ran dishwasher
~ ran 3 loads of clothes in the washing machine
~scrubbed kitchen floor
~flushed toilets (many times since 6am)
~watered the chickens/rabbit/dogs/cats *and washed my hands afterwards
~showered & brushed my teeth
~older children brushed their teeth and washed faces
~I cleaned the 1 year old after a breakfast with syrup (you can imagine!!)
~filled my glass with ice & water
~made a pitcher of juice and a pitcher of crystal light
~watered (with the water hose) the wild flowers/herb garden/vegetable garden
~cleaned paint brushes and roller

What have you done today with the convenience of running water? Do you ever think about doing these chores after hauling a bucket of water to your house? What about if you had to walk in 90-100 degree weather for miles to bring that precious water back to your house- would you be so fast to 'waste' water? How many times would you have to re-fill your bucket to accomplish all your chores?

Today I am grateful for:
Running water

You know you're the mom of young children when...

I had to laugh at myself this morning! I made a big breakfast & when the kids were 'contained' I thought to myself, "what can I do?"

I loaded the dishwasher, started a load of clothes to wash & scrubbed the kitchen floor- all while the kids were eating and the baby was strapped in the high chair!

Estimated amount of time to accomplish these tasks: 10 minutes

Now, that's multi-tasking at its finest!

THANK YOU!

An 'anonymous reader' just sent me the lyrics to the song I was referring to- enjoy!

Father wears his Sunday best
Mothers tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sisters sighing in her sleep
Brothers got a date to keep
He cant hang around

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our ...

Our house it has a crowd
There's always something happening
And its usually quite loud
Our mum shes so house-proud
Nothing ever slows her down
And a mess is not allowed

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our ...

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our ...
Something tells you that you've got to get away from it

Father gets up late for work
Mother has to iron his shirt
Then she sends the kids to school
Sees them off with a small kiss
Shes the one they're going to miss
In lots of ways

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our ...

I remember way back then when everything was true and when
We would have such a very good time such a fine time
Such a happy time
And I remember how wed play simply waste the day away
Then wed say nothing would come between us two dreamers

Father wears his Sunday best
Mothers tired she needs a rest
The kids are playing up downstairs
Sisters sighing in her sleep
Brothers got a date to keep
He cant hang around

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our street

Our house, in the middle of our street
Our house, in the middle of our ...

Our house, was our castle and our keep
Our house, in the middle of our street

Our house, that was where we used to sleep
Our house, in the middle of our street

Our house, in the middle of our street

Our home

Isn't there a song that talks about "our house?" I would probably embarrass myself if I tried to remember the lyrics- was it an 80's song? Anyway, today I am grateful for our home.

I am grateful that we have a home of our own, in which I can allow my creativity to flow....thus painting the living rooms walls a shade of rust red.

I am grateful for the doors that lock and keep us safe and sound. I'm grateful for my sewing machine and the skills my grandmother taught me that has allowed me to sew lace curtains for those beautiful, strong doors.

I am grateful for more than one bedroom, in which our children have their own beds and a comfortable space to sleep each night.

I am grateful for the animals we have chosen to join our family, who also call this place their home.

I am grateful for the running water and electricity that come into this home- our African children don't know this pleasure, yet.

I am grateful for the way we live our life, because we chose to live this way. There is no one governing the way we speak, the way we worship or the way we raise our children.

I am grateful for a soft pillow and warm blankets to cover me as I dream sweet dreams each night.

All of these things take place in- our home.

For Dear Son #1

Written on May 30, 2007

Today God showed me a precious piece of your heart. I am blessed to have a front row seat as I watch God direct you on this road called life. As you explained to me all you have been doing, what you have been teaching and how you are approaching every day- I was truly humbled and found myself so proud. I had a moment when the rest of the world disappeared- all I could hear was your voice on the other end of the telephone. I realized that even though you are half-a-world away, we have the extreme privilege to begin building our relationship as mother and son before you even arrive home.

I am so proud of you. I am beaming with joy! You are a precious gem that God has sent our way and I am so overwhelmed with the young man you have already become. I am so overwhelmed that God has given ME the privilege to be your mother and that I can love you until the end of eternity. You are a precious, precious boy and your heart is so pure. I anxiously wait for the day you come home and we can continue growing our relationship here in this place. I am overcome with excitement & anticipation to see what God will do with your precious life here on earth!

I love you my precious son!
Love, Mom

What do YOU do?

So- what do you do when someone says something to intentionally hurt you? How about when someone says something to intentionally hurt your child? How do you react? Are you a 'mama bear' and stop at nothing to protect your child or do you allow him/her to endure the momentary pain of the moment and use it as a teaching tool?

I am experiencing this today, with one of our Liberian children. At the moment, I feel so helpless and I so want to be the 'momma bear' that swoops in and protects in the face of it all. I cannot- I would, but it isn't even possible. It feels so insignificant when I say, "You know those statements are not true, sweetheart, that person is lying and trying to hurt your heart." What do you say when your child is absolutely broken hearted? I couldn't say anything...I cried. I could only say, "I am so sorry you have to endure this- I am so sorry!" It was the first time I have shown any 'weakness' to our Liberian children, I think our son was taken by surprise.

I remind myself of all the promises God has made- and even at times like these, He is ultimately in control. I also remind myself there is a time and a season for all things. My human side surfaces and I say to God, "Haven't these children suffered enough? Give me their suffering- spare them!" I know there is a reason for everything and God has His plan for this situation... my flesh is so weak today and I struggle and weep at the thought of being without our Liberian children even one more day. My mother's heart aches...

Through all this, I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and this blessing of motherhood he has bestowed upon me. I am grateful that I have the heart for these children and that even though it is painful, I can feel their sorrows. These feelings help me to understand just a hint of what our children have endured over the last 10 years and helps me to pray even more fervently for them.

You are someone's miracle

Have you ever stopped to think you may be someone's miracle? If it was raining, would you give someone your umbrella? If you were behind someone in the check-out line and they were short $5, would you give it to them? Do you go out of your way to look for people to bless, every day?

God said to Abram (Genesis 12:2), "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." God promised to bless Abram and make him great, but there was one condition. Abram had to do what God wanted him to do. This meant leaving his home and friends and traveling to a new land where God promised to build a great nation from Abram's family. Abram obeyed, walking away from his home for God's promise of even greater blessings in the future. God may be trying to lead you to a place of greater service and usefulness for him. Don't let the comfort and security of your present position make you miss God's plan for you.

We all seem to be willing to receive, are we willing to give? To what extent? If we do something for someone who cannot pay us back, we are lending to the Lord. We are doing God a favor. Do you know that God will repay us? He will bless us more than what we gave in the first place! We have the opportunity every day to be someone's miracle. It doesn't have to be big things- maybe you don't have $$ to lend, but you do have your time. Spending time with someone and giving them the gift of your time can mean even more than your money.

What about good and positive gestures? Do you hold the door for people out in public? Have you ever considered taking someone's cart for them after they've loaded their car? Do you stop when you see a new mother with her newborn? What about bringing your neighbor a loaf of fresh bread or a home cooked meal? Have you ever considered adopting a widow or helping out a single mother by watching her children one night so she can have a break?

Life involves both risk and opportunity. Because life has no guarantees, we must be prepared. In Ecclesiastes 11:1 it says, "Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again." This means that life has opportunities and we must seize them, not merely play it safe. We need a spirit of trust and adventure, facing life's risks and opportunities with God-directed enthusiasm and faith.

Proverbs 19:17 says, "He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done." Here God identifies with the poor as Jesus does in Matthew 25:31-46. As our Creator, God values all of us, whether we are poor or rich. When we help the poor, we honor both the Creator and his creation. God accepts our help as if we had offered it directly to him.

You may be praying for a miracle today. The first step is to look for someone to bless, become someone's miracle and yours will surely be on its way. God has such wonderful plans for our lives, lets be a blessing to others and put a smile on His face! When we strive to bless others, the Lord will not only provide all of our needs but provide in abundance. You cannot out-give God!

Today I am thankful for:
~The miracle God worked in our lives this week through a business transaction that went through. We must have been someone's miracle because God sent us one on Friday! Thank you, Father- we praise your holy name!

It's the little things

Today I am grateful for:
~coffee
~cartoons to occupy the children while I wake up and start breakfast
~enough eggs to cook breakfast
~a washing machine that will clean the clothes for me
~a warm shower
~warm weather & sunshine
~the vacuum cleaner, to clean up after my 1 year old
~the camera, to capture what it is she did
~extra tools so Kaleb can work with daddy and do "man stuff"
~dish soap
~a riding lawn mower
~my yummy smelling lavender plants
~fresh bread
~wild flowers
~the ability to identify poison ivy!!
~library cards
~mail that is delivered to the end of our driveway
~running water to wash my tired but happy children
~toothbrushes
~kitty cats
~ceiling fans
~a comfy bed & warm blankets
~good dreams

Little Glimpses

Do you believe in coincidence? Do you believe in luck or fate? I used to believe that I was a very 'unlucky' person because I never won any prize, never seemed to win any $$ off the occasional scratch-off lottery ticket purchased, etc. I thought, "Man, I just can't catch a break!"

Then, I came to believe there is no such thing as coincidence or luck. My new saying became, "Coincidence...I think not!" I began to understand that God is working behind the scenes of my life- no matter if I see Him or not. I began to learn and understand what it means to have faith during those 'dry seasons' when I just don't see anything happening. I now understand that He is a God of purpose and THE God of the universe- thus aligning my life and yours for His purpose. In knowing this, why would I ever worry again?

We know with absolute certainty that God has brought these 4 Liberian children to us for His specific purpose. We feel like a broken record when people ask us about the paperwork and when we think they're coming home. Truthfully, we just don't have any idea. During this journey, the past year, we've come to learn even more that we are not in control of this situation. We seem to be learning this truth over and over again-at different levels. Just about the time we think we can determine how things will work out- something happens to throw our thinking to the wind.

Also during this time, God has given us little glimpses that He is in control. He has sent us people, words of encouragement during difficult times, specific scripture verses & many other little glimpses that He is working behind the scenes.

What does the word confirmation mean to you?

There can be many meanings...but when it pertains to our Lord, to me it means that God has sent me a glimpse that He is working and hasn't forgotten me. To me, it means that He sees my every tear, feels my every frustration and walks along side of me even when I think I am alone.

I've also come to learn that when I believe and have faith, I release His power. I don't want to tie His hands by my unbelief. I want Him to fully bring forth His plan & His blessings for my life. Therefore, I am learning every day how to gain a new level of faith.

Just last night I found confirmation in the very first Psalm, verses 2-3. "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

Today I have gratitude for:
~a Lord who guides me and looks out for me, especially during the times I struggle to put one foot in front of the other
~the glimpses, no matter how small they seem, that lets me know He is still working
~the family & life He has given me, to enjoy every moment of every day

"The" Ivy & "The" Oak

Answers anyone? The mystery plant is poison ivy/oak. Just to warn you- the last few days have been a blur- thus today will be an update and I'll be back tomorrow morning with more thoroughly formed thoughts & gratitudes.

Thursday was my preparation day. I prepared the laundry, the food and the house for my 2 day absence (Fri & Sat) to attend the Homeschool Conference in Searcy, AR. It took me all day to prepare to leave and I didn't actually pack until about 11pm Thursday night. Friday morning came all too quickly at 5am and I was out the door by 5:45am. I put the bills in the mailbox, ran the paycheck into town to the night deposit box & was on my way to Searcy by 6am.

I arrived to Harding University (beautiful Christian campus, by the way!!) at the time of registration and was soon on my way to hear the first keynote speaker of the day. I spent all day Friday at the convention attending seminars & looking at curriculum/talking to vendors. I enjoyed a nice dinner with some fellow homeschool moms/friends and retired to my hotel room by 8pm.

I set out to complete a long night ahead of me. Organizing thoughts, praying about curriculum, thinking about what seminars to attend Saturday & attempting to start a new, yearly prayer list for our children. In between all of that I took a bubble bath too....

Long story short, after only sleeping about an hour, my cellphone rang. My lovely husband was on the other end but wasn't sounding all that lovely at the moment. The only words I remember are, "You need to come home right now, I'm having some kind of allergic reaction." Talk about panic mode!! I was up, packed and out of the hotel room in less than 5 minutes. Searcy is about a 2 1/2 hr. drive to home so I knew it would be a while before I got there.

I called hubby again and asked him to call his sister to come and sit with the kids while he drove himself to the ER. After that phone call, I knew he'd never make it driving by himself. I pondered for about 3 seconds and then picked up my cellphone and called 9-1-1. I sent an ambulance to the house and they arrived the same time as hubby's sister.

Longer story short...hubby had a severe reaction to poison ivy/oak. He was taken by ambulance from our home, given an I.V. with epinephrine, steroids & benedryl on the way to the E.R. By the time I got home at 2:30am, he was just about to be released. I came home, checked blood sugars & headed back in the car to get hubby from the E.R. I'm told he looked a lot better upon coming home than at the time of the ambulance ride...

So, today I'm home- sleepy from only getting 3-4 hours sleep, but home.
Today I am grateful for:
Telephones
Family that lives close by and will come when they're needed
A 9-1-1 system that we can rely on
An ambulance that will/can come in a moment's notice
A reliable vehicle to bring me home in the middle of the night
A hospital that treated my husband immediately and prevented him from going into anaphalactic shock
Children who 'slept through it all'
And last but not least... a God who guides and protects through it all!!

The price of education

In America, is there a price on education? My first thought would be to think of college- of course there is a PRICE- there's a very big price to attend college! But more simply than that, do we have restrictions on education? I'm sure there are more categories than I can think of at the moment, but how about that we are 'allowed' to homeschool our children? What about that we can pick up our bibles & 'religious' education materials and learn about God anytime we choose? We can virtually have & read any book, anytime, anywhere. If we don't have the resources to purchase the books, we have libraries full of them just waiting for us to walk through the doors and read them.

What about the freedom to educate ourselves on any subject we desire? There are no restrictions on what we learn and teach our children. We may encounter nay-sayers and deal with the occasional "you're crazy" comment, but we aren't prohibited by anyone or anything other than our consciences (or leading of the Holy Spirit).

Does education impart wisdom? How do we know what materials to read that will guide us in the 'right direction?' What materials actually help us and don't clutter our minds with useless information? What materials actually make you feel smarter? Are we good stewards of this privilege?
These are just a few of the resources we've been looking at and learning from this past year regarding the adoptions. Trying to strike a balance between what is required of us by different 'agencies' and what we feel led to learn- that's the tricky part. There is the green binder...the one that's been with me since the beginning...the one that holds every piece of paper pertaining to the adoptions. This binder holds records of donations (for personal and tax purposes), encouraging notes from friends & those we don't even know. It holds many, many important forms and documents relating to the legality of the process. The green binder also holds many examples of families that have gone before us, their stories of adjustment & the responses of their Liberian children.

The white binder holds all the 'love letters' that have been sent to us from the children. I've categorized them all by child and by date (including every single envelope). This is the binder I go to when I'm feeling lonely for them or overwhelmed by the length of the process. This binder alone sets things into perspective for me. The love and adoration I feel just feeling and seeing these pages is indescribable. These are my children- there is nothing I wouldn't do or endure for them.
The smaller, single binders with their names are for journaling. These binders I will record the big and little details that they go through during this next year. All the adjustments, all the joys as well as the sorrows. They will be the record of the past meeting the future...

This is the bible I have been using for the last 5 years- the most influential years of my life thus far. We probably have 5-6 different translations in this house, but this is the book I keep coming back to. This translation God has used to speak VOLUMES to me... For me, if I stay focused- this is THE book we need to base our entire lives on. The other books are fillers, but to discern the important things- this book is the dictionary!

Today I am grateful for the gift of education. Enough said.

The trimming of the trees

Today I am grateful for:
~a husband who (after 2 years of talking about it) tends to the manicuring of our beautiful yard
~the laughter and joy this invokes in me as he looks at me and says, "What have I gotten myself into?"
~that God has given me a 'rough & tumble' boy who loves being with his father, learning to do 'man stuff.'
~the heart of my son who picks one leaf from every brush pile and announces that these are special leaves, just for his 'brothers and sisters from Africa.'
~that God has given me 2 children with sky-blue eyes (even though mine are the dominant brown). Eyes to remind me of my husband and eyes that remind me of my grandparents.
~the privelege to stay home, love & educate our children.

I came across this checklist for 'homeschool' moms, whether we homeschool or not, I believe this is a comprehensive list to look at in terms of raising our children. I am adding this list to my prayer pages for our children!

A CHECKLIST FOR HOMESCHOOL MOMS

1. Do I take the time to cultivate a reverent, fervent, joyful heart and home life?
2. Do I work hard to provide spiritual leadership through good example and teaching?
3. Do I require my children to show proper respect toward both parents?
4. Do I keep my children busy doing good things?
5. In my pursuit to teach my children independent living and learning, do I patiently exhort those who refuse to work, encourage those who lack confidence, and help those who truly need direct assistance?
6. Do I seek to be a peacemaker by encouraging kindness and prohibiting revenge?
7. Do I give thanks in all circumstances, knowing God will bring good from them?
8. Do I eliminate influences and activities which are not the best for my family?
9. Do I teach my children to discern good from evil and to seek God's will for their own lives?
10. When I see God's Spirit beginning to work in my child, do I avoid squelching this progress with my own impatience and perfectionism?
11. Do I pray earnestly and continually for my children?

Gratitude

Many years ago, I heard of the idea of a 'gratitude journal.' I've never actually started one, but it's stayed in the back of my mind all this time. After celebrating mother's day and reflecting on everything that has transpired since I've become a mother, I've vowed to start a gratitude journal. The biggest thing I think about when it comes down to writing in a gratitude journal is that there are so many things in my day that I should be grateful for- but end up not paying attention to or forgetting about. So, in between the adoption updates I'll be sharing a bit of my 'gratitude' entries here for you to see.

I'll begin by back-dating to yesterday, Mother's Day 2007.
I'm grateful for:
a husband who tells me "I'm so happy you're my wife- I love our life."
children who sleepily come to me- just crawling out of bed- to get their morning hugs& kisses
a home of our own that we can be comfortable in & extend hospitality to others
the ability to call half way around the world to hear my son say, "Happy Mother's Day, Mum!"
a heart that God uses & continues to grow an amazing love for my husband and ALL of our children
a spirit of contentment that I finally have after previous years of knowing and feeling "I'm missing something..."

Faith is not in understanding; Faith is yielding to God's will, Resting on His word of promise in assurance calm and still. Faith is looking unto Jesus, trusting where it cannot see, Faith is resting on His promise. Faith is glorious victory.

"One who trusts in the Lord is secure." Proverbs 29: 25

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Faith is nothing at all tangible. It is simply believing God!

This Bumpy Road

As we continue on this bumpy road, I am continually reminded to be encouraged. "Life" is not easy...would we really want it to be? Yea, it might be nice at times- but what really determines 'living?' To know that you're alive, to know you are following God's plan for your life, to know you (or your family) might feel like you're suffering- but to know it will be 'worth it' in the end is priceless....

"You yourselves have seen everything the Lord your God has done to all these nations for your sake; it was the Lord who fought for you... Be very strong; be careful to obey all that is written in the book of the Law of Moses, without turning aside to the right or to the left...You know with all your heart and soul that not one of these good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed." Joshua 23: 3,6,14

"for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care. Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..." Psalms 95: 7-8

"We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5: 7

"May the God of hope full you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3: 16-19

If You Say Go

I really hope things are taking a turn for the better....this has been another one of those rollercoaster days- weeks actually. Hubby and I are learning valuable truths as we walk this path with the Lord. We are really being refined during this journey and we learn more and more to trust the Lord for his provisions in EVERY area of our life. All I can say is, "Wow." Part of me wants this hard journey to be over, the other part of me desires to keep going because I know there is wonderful glory in the end.

Forgive me for not sharing details at this point, I feel like I'm being secretive for not sharing. Things are very 'touchy' right now with the adoptions and we can't risk saying anything that would jeopardize the kids or the adoption process. Please continue to pray for safety, the Lord's comforting hand & swiftness of the paperwork.

This is my song for the day:
If You say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water, and they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If You call us to the fire, You will not withdraw Your hand
We'll gaze into the flames and look for You

If you say go, we will go
If You say wait, we will wait
If You say step out on the water, and they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come

Kisses in the Wind

I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams. You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems. I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long. But remember children, I love you all so and God will keep you strong. Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind. May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you. I promise you, my darlings, I'm doing all that I can do. Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend. But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind. May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight. And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

Despite all- we give thanks!

As many of you may know, our first born daughter has been a type 1 diabetic for almost 5 years-she was diagnosed at age 2. On Monday morning, our son, was also diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. Hubby and I saw some of the signs two days prior and realized what was happening. We checked his blood sugar late Sunday night and our suspicions were confirmed. I brought him to Children's Hospital Monday morning and we were blessed to be back home by Tuesday afternoon.

The one thing that has changed for Hubby and I-since Dear Daughter #1's diagnosis-is that we have extreme peace, even in spite of our son's diagnosis. We continue to give thanks that the Lord has blessed us with 3 beautiful & healthy biological children, as well as 4 beautiful and precious adopted children. We are also blessed that Dear Son #3 has a big sister to 'show him the ropes' and stand along side of him during the uncertain times (like finger pokes & insulin shots). He is doing amazingly well for being in 'day 3' and talks with sister about 'being special' & having a special job to do- given by God.

Yesterday, the two children played for about 2 hours, role-playing & playing doctor. I'd given them lots of diabetic supplies, band-aids, & extra insulin pump 'stuff.' They 'tended' to their stuffed animals with such love and compassion- sister really provided some comfort to her brother, without him even knowing it.

As I scanned the 'new & improved' diabetic supplies & aides that have come to the market since DD#3's diagnosis- God brought to me an amazing 'injection aide' that I've never heard of. This aide looks almost identical to sister's insulin pump infusion sets and will allow brother to have injections through that port, instead of giving shots through the skin. This aide will be changed in the same time frame as sister's pump sets & will prepare our son for the day when he gets his very own pump. All the while, sparing him the many insulin shots throughout the day. How awesome is God?!? I never would have found this if it wasn't for God directing my eyes and curiosity as I quickly scanned websites yesterday.

So, today I will call the Endocrinologist & request this wonderful 'set' for our son. We continue to give thanks.

So many scriptures & thoughts have come to mind in the last few days. I'd be here forever if I shared every single one. God is so good as He has come along side of Hubby and I to comfort us & bring us amazing peace. He has given our son an easy spirit as well as patience for us as we teach him from 'square one' as we did our daughter. We continue to give thanks.

A few scriptures for today:

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14: 27

"...We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Romans 5: 3-5

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

Thank you

First, I would like to say thank you to all of you who continue to support us and pray for our family. This road tends to get bumpy at times but we continue to keep our eye on the Lord and continue to move forward and follow Him.

Today, I smile and laugh as I explain to you yet another example of just how wonderful our God is. Yesterday, in the middle of our day, the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, didn't recognize the number- it looked like a calling card type number. So, I answered it thinking it may be 'grandma'. I said, "Hello?" Then I heard one of the sweetest voices on the planet, "Hi, Mum!"

IT WAS DEAR SON #1! I just about screamed- that was a phone call I was NOT expecting... Immediately I began to cry. I asked him if he was ok, he said yes. He explained he was borrowing a phone and that I needed to call him back because there were no minutes left on the calling card he was using. I was excited but nervous as we tried to communicate the numbers back and forth. I thought, "I have one shot to get this right- don't mess up these numbers!"

I got the numbers correct and called him back immediately. We were blessed to have a 30 minute conversation. The reception was ok- sometimes I couldn't understand him, most of the time I could. He told me truths about what is going on in the orphanages right now and explained that he is doing ok. We laughed a lot as I kept saying, "STOP, slow down- I can't understand what you're saying." He'd laugh and say, "Ok, mum- I will slow down." At one point, I kept saying I was sorry and that I was trying so hard to get every word he was saying. He was so loving and said to me, "Mum, I will say it over and over again until you can hear me and understand me." What a sweet heart!

I think we were able to devise a plan to speak with the other 3 children every week on Saturdays. DS#1 said he goes there to play soccer on Saturdays and that he'd try to borrow that same phone so we can speak with everyone on a regular basis. The other 3 children are asking to talk with us and DS#1 told me that they can't wait to hear our voices. We have been sending messages to them through him for quite some time because we very rarely can get through to the orphanage.

DS#1 asked to speak with DD#3 and DS#3- how their faces lit up as they ran for the phone to talk with their big brother. It truly was a precious moment, right there in our living room! I assured DS#1 that the paperwork continues to move forward and that they will all be home soon. I told him that even if it takes months, we will all be patient because we know we will all have a lifetime together.

I also explained that 'Grandma' is praying about going to Liberia the same time Dad (hubby) goes. She hasn't been back in over 10 years and is wanting to see family,etc. DS#1 was so excited and said he would pray for Grandma to be able to come to Liberia.

What a wonderful God we have! He knew this is exactly what I needed to keep going and stay strong. Just the voice of our beautiful boy lifted my spirits- and the anticipation of being able to speak to our girls and our little man keeps me looking forward to the end of the week. Thank you, Father!


And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1Corinthians 13:13

...Do not be afraid any longer, just believe... Luke 8:50

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have faith, so as to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8