Fail us Not

I couldn't decide which video I liked better...how about you?

Beautiful

I've had this post in my heart for quite some time now- this song really speaks to me. Beautiful....Beautiful....

I've been looking at myself a lot lately, thinking about what He's been doing in my heart since the move- 5 months ago. Coming back to my hometown somewhat began by giving me an identity-crisis of sorts. The last time I lived here I was a teen, living at home. Now, I am here as a wife and mother. My life is VERY different than even 5 years ago. I wondered if friends and family here would 'recognize' me. My growth and change has been a slow progression over the past 15+ years but to some it might look shocking. It's shocking to me sometimes! :)

In thinking about my 'identity,' I've tried to look a lot to my heart. I've tried to go to those places that have been shut off for a long time. I've tried to begin dealing with old feelings and emotions that I shoved deep down inside. It's been quite a challenge getting real with some old issues that I've chosen to hang on to. But, the more I pray and the more I let God in- the better I'm beginning to feel. I used to have panic attacks- not anymore. I used to have huge levels of anxiety and wear a forced smile on my face- not anymore. I'm laughing out of pure and simple joy. The real laughing...belly laughing! As each day passes, I'm able to see that my heart is being restored. Where there were spots of hurt, confusion, and pain- there is becoming a clear, open spot. That spot in my heart that was blackened before is becoming alive again....so beautiful, beautiful. Mercy is reaching to save me...like sunlight burning at midnight....

All the more, my constant growth and transformation reminds me that He loves us with a deep, passionate love and wants our life to be BEAUTIFUL!

Oh my...

Do you ever read something and think, 'Oh my, this is exactly for me- this is exactly my situation!'?? Well, I read this post the other day on an adoptive mom's blog. I have been following her blog since she brought her Liberian children home. We had some similarities and some differences in our adoption journey-I was always curious how things were going with them. Her Liberian children were quite a bit younger than ours, I wondered if there would be any similarities in cultural or adjustment issues.

If you've been following our blog for any time, you know that our 2 oldest Liberian children don't live with us. Since the beginning, we have had a special place in our heart for all 4 Liberian children and we've all gone through growth, struggles and disappointments. It's taken us (as parents) some time to work through certain feelings/issues. I've continually asked God why some things have happened the way they did. I've wondered a lot about His will for us and I've prayed for discernment.

He revealed it to me through this precious Mom's words. Here's just a bit of what she so candidly wrote:

'Had we completely missed God’s call? Had we made a mistake when we brought her home? Sometimes God puts us on a path and we start walking. We are in God’s will and we are where He wants us. We look forward and we think we know where the path will go. But, as time goes on the path begins to twist and turn and it ends up taking us somewhere that we never imagined it would. Does that mean that we were on the wrong path or that we weren’t in God’s will? No. It just means that God didn’t show us the whole path when we started out.

I wish that I could say that if I’d known everything when we started that I would have gone forward. That if I had seen all the hurt, all the confusion, all the condemnation we’ve received from others, that I would have said “Yes, Lord! Sign me up for that!” But that’s not true. If I’d had any idea how hard all of this would be, I never would have done it. But, my Jesus knew that and so He only showed me a little bit at a time, leading me by the hand and helping me go forward even when the path grew rocky and I couldn’t see what lay ahead.

I’m glad that He did that. Because He did, one more child has a family tonight. That is an amazing blessing. She has a hope and a future when just a few years ago her life was nothing but broken pieces. I thank God for that and I am even coming to a place where I can thank Him for letting me be a part of it. I will always have a special place in my heart for her and I am thankful that I got the chance to be her mom, if only for a short time.'

Ok...so I was crying buckets when I read this because I have struggled with this for so long! Thank you, 'Candid-Mama', for writing this and for being so honest. You helped another Adoptive Mom in more ways than you will ever know.

New favorites!

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone