Friday, May 14, 2010
I've had this post in my heart for quite some time now- this song really speaks to me. Beautiful....Beautiful....
I've been looking at myself a lot lately, thinking about what He's been doing in my heart since the move- 5 months ago. Coming back to my hometown somewhat began by giving me an identity-crisis of sorts. The last time I lived here I was a teen, living at home. Now, I am here as a wife and mother. My life is VERY different than even 5 years ago. I wondered if friends and family here would 'recognize' me. My growth and change has been a slow progression over the past 15+ years but to some it might look shocking. It's shocking to me sometimes! :)
In thinking about my 'identity,' I've tried to look a lot to my heart. I've tried to go to those places that have been shut off for a long time. I've tried to begin dealing with old feelings and emotions that I shoved deep down inside. It's been quite a challenge getting real with some old issues that I've chosen to hang on to. But, the more I pray and the more I let God in- the better I'm beginning to feel. I used to have panic attacks- not anymore. I used to have huge levels of anxiety and wear a forced smile on my face- not anymore. I'm laughing out of pure and simple joy. The real laughing...belly laughing! As each day passes, I'm able to see that my heart is being restored. Where there were spots of hurt, confusion, and pain- there is becoming a clear, open spot. That spot in my heart that was blackened before is becoming alive again....so beautiful, beautiful. Mercy is reaching to save me...like sunlight burning at midnight....
All the more, my constant growth and transformation reminds me that He loves us with a deep, passionate love and wants our life to be BEAUTIFUL!
Posted by Becky at 8:57 PM