Late night thoughts

I am very conflicted tonight. A large part of my heart grieves, the rest of me is wondering, "God, what is going on?" I haven't said a lot on this blog about my feelings and Africa. I shared a lot about our adoption process and my feelings as we went through everything. We're over a year now since the children have come home and I'm really unsure of how I feel more than ever. I KNOW that God has really blessed us. I KNOW that I love all of my children, regardless of how they came to our family. I KNOW that there is something grand and profound in raising up the next generation (a Christian generation). I KNOW we are all not perfect. I KNOW each family is unique. I KNOW my exhaustion is more than worth every second of what I give to my family. I KNOW I will be committed to my marriage and my family for ever and ever, without fail or without doubt. I KNOW God made me to do just this...I live the perfect life for me.

A short time ago, we 'heard' that Liberia is now closed to all adoptions. The main reason being that there is so much corruption happening that children are being adopted out of the country on false pretenses. It has been said that some families are being 'bribed' that if they give over their children they will receive something in the future or that the child will come back to them and help them. It has been said that 'Joe Schmoe' off the street has posed as a child's family member to get them a visa and out of the country to the USA. And so on and so on...When Hubby was in Liberia, he saw a very corrupt country. Something we cannot imagine. For the safety and welfare of the children and their rights, we can't help but feel relieved that the President of Liberia has shut down the adoptions for now until more 'safety measures' can be put into place.

On the other hand, I look at my children and wonder about the others. I wonder about our children's friends. I wonder about all the families who are in process, just waiting for their child(ren) to come home. I wonder about all the sleepless nights and the financial sacrifices these familes have made- just like us. But, we got a happy ending. We got to see our kids get off that airplane and plant their feet on U.S. soil.

Our girls got 'word' tonight that the orphanage they came from is virtually empty. There has been very little food there for quite some time. I can't help but think where all the children have gone to and how bad it got before they left or were put out. My mind goes back to the day our kids came home and I got a real close look at their physical wellbeing. I've mentioned before that our youngest Liberian child was in very rough condition. All joking aside, it was like the commercials you see on tv...of the starving kids in Africa. He had oozing sores on his head, he had missing patches of hair, his eyes were dull, he had fluid leaking from his ears, he had sores on the rest of his skin, his stomach was distended, he had very stiff joints, he was full of parisites and had e. coli growing in his intestines from bad water, and he ate like a ravenous animal. Looking at him one year later you would never know.

I think about the fact that I heard somewhere that most of the Liberian adoptions were coming from the U.S. I think about now that it's closed down, what's going to happen to all those precious little children. There's no one to feed them there. Bad things happen in the street, bad things happen in broad daylight. The kind of stuff we shield our kids from on TV...and it's happening in real life- every day! I think about other countries in Africa where horrific things are happening.

I think about the kids that 'got out.' I think about their lives here and how they've changed so. The culture is so different and the way of life is so different. Some struggle more than others, but they're alive! That's got to count for something doesn't it?? During this waiting time in Liberia, those weak and sick little bodies will get worse and worse...no airplane rides for them to cozy beds and full refrigerators.

So, what do we do with this? How do we pray and how do we respond to our kids' comments and/or questions. There are people they love there...friends who didn't make it out. Family members who have little hope at being 'prosperous.' They have got to feel so helpless. I feel helpless.

And so we pray. Pray some more that God will show us the way. Pray that He will show us how to pray for the continent of Africa and show us what it is that the people there really need. I know they need Jesus. It seems only Jesus can help them now...praise God for that. Where there is God and Jesus, there is hope.