Friday, September 14, 2007

Filling the gap

So what has happened from the time of 'going invisible' until now? Around the time of the August 18th post, I was in the middle of a 40 day no-meat fast. Things with the adoptions seemed to just be going nowhere so I made a sacrifice- a BIG sacrifice. I just prayed to God that He would acknowledge my commitment and have mercy on our Liberian children. I prayed like I have never prayed before in my life- I handed everything over to God, everything I could think of. If I gave it once, I gave it 10 times. I know, once would have been sufficient- did I mention I'm a bit compulsive? I wonder if God laughs at me...He made me this way! He made me with this personality and with this gift mix...did He know I'd be so quirky?

Anyway, the woman I refer to as 'Mother Africa' agreed to take care of our oldest son. In the process of doing so, we set it up for him to attend school & for him to attend church with her. Through our conversations, she offered to go the 'leg work' concerning the adoptions and we discussed the 'avenue' best suited in which to proceed. I prayed, "God, is this it? Is this the way you want us to go? We'll go, God- just lead the way." And away He led. He is still leading, even today. I wonder and sometimes agonize at the final details. My mind knows everything will come out in the end & all the details will fall into place. My heart struggles every day, sometimes by the hour or minute. I'm constantly handing over my worries and my anxiety to God. This is WAY to big for me to handle on my own! I think God may have planned it this way- my walk and my faith has grown leaps and bounds in this last year and a half!

I'm remembering and reminding myself that this is only the beginning. I've been comparing this journey to the planning of a wedding. A lot of our time and effort has been in this planning/waiting stage. Unfortunately, sometimes after the wedding the bride and groom are left standing and looking at each other- asking, "Now what?"

This part of the journey is almost over, then we begin with the 'good stuff.' The important stuff God is calling us to do, parent these children. Teach them, guide them, and LOVE them. The moment after we are introduced, hug & love on each other- real life begins. As we walk out of the airport, hand in hand, we will be The Gustafson family- all 9 of us! A new journey begins.

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